musingsponderingsandrants

Parenting, profundities and humour

The View — June 18, 2015

The View

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Today my house is full of men. There are six of them here currently. And whilst there are slightly too many pairs of underpants on show and the kettle is in over drive I am quite enjoying myself.

I scheduled replacement French doors (we broke the old ones it’s a long and boring story involving wind, an insurance claim for half the damage and buggered render) and carpet fitting on the same day and I am now beginning to realise that I hadn’t really thought it through. Much. Maybe I got carried away with underpants. Who knows.

So currently I have no doors on the back of my house. The back of my house is my kitchen diner which goes across the whole width. Luckily it’s sunny and relatively warm. Unfortunately the prevailing breeze is northwards and therefore helping to cover everything in my large kitchen diner in a fine layer of plaster and cement dust. And further because there appear to be swarms of carpet fitters in the rest of my house nearly all my furniture is currently in my kitchen diner.

I must think of a collective noun for a group of really quite young and beautiful carpet fitters…may be a ‘grip’ as in get a grip of carpet fitters….too 50 shades? My apologies.  I am not really sure when I turned into a middle aged lecher. Hey ho. Soon my sons will be teenagers bringing their friends home. I must get over it now before I turn into a jaguar…or is it some other large cat? Anyway I digress…

Rather ridiculously, it appears now, I had down on my list of jobs to do (which can be achieved whilst still leaving time to field workmen) baking a cake for youngest’s imminent birthday party.  I think I may need to hold off  until my house is again weather tight…get me all Nick Knowles… Unless she fancies a plaster dust cake… Maybe not…

I had just finished making my shepherd’s pie, there I go again, sorry kids, cottage pie before “I Came From Alabama” rang out announcing the arrival of the door men….(an architrave of door men?) so at least tea has escaped the light dusting with the intervention of a hastily thrown tea towel…out of the drawer…one of my precious drawers.

So that cake will have to wait. I do have my on line Sainsburys shop to do. I can’t use my computer because it is under a dust sheet it being perilously close to one set of…holes… And the last time I used my I pad to order my groceries it cut out half way through and I swore a lot….so again I’ll save it for later.

So here I sit stuck in my dusty kitchen diner…literally…my stairs are currently out of bounds as one of the grip is working there banging….gripper….into my treads… The family room has another one…he is currently under laying. And oh my goodness all the banging… It’s interminable. And now right over my head. My car is blocked in by a fleet of vans…clearly they don’t get on that well as they all came separately.

So I am trapped, without chores, without the ability to speak on the phone without hollering and there is really nothing left to do but to write to you all and gaze at the view…. Brew anyone?

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