Parenting, profundities and humour

The Morning After the Night Before — August 23, 2015

The Morning After the Night Before


Finally peace descended about 12.30am… after I read the riot act….and confiscated torches… Things were descending into chaos. Even Eldest, who had managed to inveigle himself onto the spare blow up bed, decided discretion was the better part of valour and toddled off to his own single room muttering that things were ‘manic in there’…

I am probably mean. But then I needed to go to bed. If I wasn’t to be even meaner the next day.

As I drifted off to sleep it crossed my mind that they might lie in, it being around fours hours later than Middlest usually goes to sleep.

And then I awoke abruptly after what felt like minutes to the sound of a gaggle of boys all going to the bathroom together…and not using their morning voices either. It was 6.30am.

Anyhow I left them to it downstairs. Diary of a Wimpy Kid DVD I think. And tried to return to the land of nod. I finally gave up at 7.30 and pulled on clothes.

After a cup of tea and organising breakfast for Youngest, who was off to do a 5k run with Daddy, I felt able to deal with the day.

I fed them sugary cereal. Which was probably a mistake. They worked it off on the trampoline very loudly. It flitted across my mind that the neighbours may not appreciate the squeaking of springs and small boys prior to 9am but I lacked the energy to act on that thought. Tough.

Only mine and one of the guests wanted bacon. Weird. One said he was ‘almost a vegetarian’. Even some vegetarians I know weaken slightly at the smell of bacon but he was not to be moved. I thought the protein might help level energies.

They then decided to act out Pokémon battles, I think Middlest was Squirkle.

We had a brief Ellie panic. I had smuggled him in to Middlest during one of my many, many forays into their room the previous night and now he was missing. Tears were threatening. He was found and equilibrium was restored.

I decided to settle down at the garden table to eat my bacon and drink more tea and write this blog. Until my I pad ran out of charge. Due to children using it. Again. So I just watched the birds and ate my lovely rolls. With both sorts of sauce.

In the out turn it hasn’t been too bad. But I believe I will be saving such events for birthdays only. Until they are teenagers and I would rather they and any passing mates were crashed here than anywhere else.

Middlest’s verdict? It was fun, mummy, but quite hard work…. I can only agree, to the latter anyway….

Sleepover… — August 22, 2015



Well today is the day…

Along with the trampoline, I think I have mentioned that before, one of the things ‘promised’ to the kids when we moved house was sleepovers. That is us hosting sleepovers.

I have managed to get through 11 years of parenthood without once hosting a friend to ‘sleepover’. Cousins have stayed. Sometimes alone. We once had a friend’s child over in an emergency. But in terms of a ‘fun’ event, this is a first.

And the reason is quite simple. I really cannot think of anything worse. Or unnecessary to life in general.

In my childhood I never, ever had a ‘sleepover’ at my house. I am not even sure I went to anyone else’s house to do the same. And so the whole concept- excepting late teenage ‘sneaking around’ and ‘smuggling in boyfriends’- is totally alien to me.

I already have three children of my own. Adding more to the mix for an extended period just seems, well, daft to me.

So when Middlest decided all he wanted to do for his 10th birthday was cash in on that promise my heart sank. Not only did he want a sleepover he wanted four friends. Read it, four. Well, I thought, its the summer holidays some of them will not be able to make it. As the replies rolled in that became a faint hope. One boy was travelling back from holiday on the day and so was only a maybe but everyone else clamoured to say yes.

My usual style of birthday bash is a two hour affair at some place specialising in such events; soft play, kids’ farm, bowling, gymnastics centre etc. You roll up with a cake and party bags and some teenagers do all the work. Sort of. It is expensive but easy.

Today has been quite cheap, excepting the thirty quid I spent on junk food, but not quite so easy.

Middlest’s room currently has no floor. Well it still has a floor but it is not visible beneath the layer of blow up mattresses, strewn clothing, Pokemon cards and sweaty boys.

I set some ground rules early on. No sibling tormenting. No sneaking down in the middle of the night. And no electronics after 10pm.

The afternoon and evening has gone OK. They bounced on the trampoline a bit. Spent far too much time on electronic games. Watched a couple of DVDs and made great in roads into that junk food mountain. It strikes me as very odd that essentially kids just like playing in their own world in the vicinity of each other. Rather than actually playing together cooperatively. But, hey, it kept them mostly contained so I could build my Lego Lake Town.

They have now brushed their teeth and I have extracted all the devices from the room. It wasn’t easy. One of them had an I pad in his sleeping bag. He was grassed on. That is the cache up there….not bad for four small boys…

Middlest has asked me to have custody of Ellie and his other cuddlies. He has never to my knowledge spent a night without Ellie in his entire life. I asked him why. He is worried they might come to harm.

They are now ‘settling down’. The thumps from the room sound as if they are coming through the ceiling. It is past my bedtime. I am writing this on an I pad so sticky from allowing youngest to play on it earlier (so she wasn’t left out) that some of the keys keep repeating themselves.

These are naice little boys. They have behaved well and used manners. But soon I am going to have to out my foot down. Quite hard. Forgive me if the earth tremors.

Parents arrive at 11ish tomorrow. 12 hours and counting.

Footnote…. I just went in to give them a 30 minute lights out warning….the fug is awful…. Ellie and I are retiring….he is quite forlorn….poor thing….he is not alone…

Poor Ellie…
%d bloggers like this: